Hazardous fumes: Do not inhale

Achoo!

2007-10-11T23:09:00.000-04:00

Bless you.

TURBOFART REDUX

2006-12-14T09:58:00.000-05:00

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT

We must re-kindle the boorty fires.

WHO'S WITH ME???????

Hello?

2006-04-27T11:12:00.000-04:00

If you're reading this, I just typed something.

The system works.

i'm alive!

2006-03-13T05:42:00.000-05:00

according to this blog - i've been incognito!
and wow - you guys kept up lol.. well done laddies

gerg

Coffee and pizza

2006-03-04T16:22:00.000-05:00

I just ate a pizza bun and drank a cup of coffee. My mouth has no idea what the aftertaste is supposed to be.

Oh no! Zombies!

2006-02-16T12:58:00.000-05:00

Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

No, it's pronounced "brains"

Oh, sorry. Braaaaaaaaains

Broomball overkill

2006-01-16T23:55:00.000-05:00

Does greg's school really need a team for him to play on????

KISS saves Santa

2005-12-27T04:13:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I didn't see the Family Guy Christmas special this year. I mean, I could just watch it on my computer, but where's the fun in that? Where?

Exactly, nowhere.

Feh.

If there's one thing I needed to learn this holiday season, it was that pterodactyls can't stand the screech of a guitar.

The real lord of the dance

2005-12-07T23:35:00.000-05:00

First, watch this. It has music that's much louder than the voices and it takes a while to get going, but man, it's worth it.

He still dances better than I do.

Reason for no posts...

2005-12-04T18:19:00.000-05:00

I'm still tramautized from the overall explicitness of the recent triporn post.

I mean, who exploits innocent tripods like that?

You're a sick fuck, Scotty. Sick.

Kick to the blog

2005-11-29T03:07:00.000-05:00

Ouch my blog.

Well, seems this idea dried up. Our last post was over a month ago, and the turbofart has fallen silent. Usually that's a good thing.

However, in this case it's a terrible thing. An unforgivable thing.

Usually I'd write something phenomenawesome (I stole Kev's word, don't tell him) here, but I don't have the gumption right now. Too much other stuff I need to do, and despite my constant state of staring at the computer screen not writing anything, no time to do it.

Worst time to get writer's block ever, I must say.

Microsoft Word is a hideous bitch-goddess

2005-10-26T22:35:00.000-04:00

So, I'm working in Word, making up a project plan template for my document planning class. My original plan was to just use the same file as my information plan template and change the words, keeping the same structure and everything.

As I'm editing stuff, I realize that my margins are a bit too small (which is one of the comments I got on my information plan as well, my margins needed to be bigger to allow for printing). I decide I may as well just change them a bit and keep working, temporarily forgetting that Word is the worst word processor ever written. All the margins change, except for the header and footer, which now both extend well out over the margin.

I fiddled with their margins for a while, and each change would either completely destroy the text alignment in the header (why does shifting a margin a half centimeter make the text centre itself?) or affect the entire document. In frustration, I decide to make a new document, set up the margins first, and then copy stuff over.

Brilliant. I have a new document with decent margins for printing, and my cover and inside cover copy in perfectly, except the inside cover has a page number on it. I hadn't set up page numbers yet. I should have taken that as an omen and run away when I had the chance.

Like a fool, I pressed on. I set up new pages, added odd and even headers so I could always put the relevant information on the outside of the page, and then made the biggest mistake of my life. I added page numbers.

I'm no expert (yet), but I'm pretty sure that when I set up a page number system, each page should have a different number. Also, I'm pretty sure that when a new page gets added, the page number on it should be 1 greater than the page before it. In addition, I'm pretty sure that if I tell the footer to not be the same as the one before, it shouldn't be the same as the one before it.

Word thinks differently.

My document's page numbering started on the 3rd page, which recived the number 1. the second page worked out properly, getting the number 2, but so did the inside cover, which never had a page number put on it. I fixed that, and then added page 3, which got the number 1.

What?

I changed it to 3, and page 1 became 3. I changed that back to 1, and page 3 became 1. Somewhere in the the inside cover also became page 1, but I ignored it because page 2 stayed as page 2. I tried deleting the page numbers and adding them again, but that made page 3 page 5 and wouldn't let me remove the page numbers from the covers.

In desperation I removed odd and even headers, and every page became page 1.

That's where I sit now, a lonely, broken man, staring at a document where every page is the first page.

Triporn

2005-10-13T23:43:00.000-04:00

For one of my classes I have to write a technical description of a device. I chose my camera's tripod, for little reason other than the hilarity of taking pictures of a tripod.

During the photo shoot I wound up with some pictures that were too risque for the final report, but I'm making them available here. Say hello to Digitial Concepts, our hottest new Triporn model

Warning, this post contains suggestive and dirty-but-not-too-dirty pictures of tripods. If this material offends you or you are not the legal age to view suggestive tripod pictures, please stop reading.

First off we have a lovely shot of Digital Concepts relaxing on the desk. Looks like it's happy to see us.

Ooh la la.

Next we brought in our old Triporn assistant Dixon for a rather spicy scene. We took this one out of the studio for better lighting, and I think both our models really enjoyed the experience!

We had to take a break after this picture so everyone could calm down.

I'd like to thank Digital Concepts once again for cooperating with us and being so patient with all our adjustments and fussing, and Dixon for being there when we needed it.

If you liked these pictures, feel free to share them. Triporn would like to thank ImageShack for hosting these photos, and hopefully they won't overload the servers.

Fun with Personalized Jerseys

2005-10-12T21:14:00.000-04:00

Just for fun... and greg, don't delete this post :)

And Last, but certainly not least...

I hate Aki Berg

2005-10-09T16:30:00.000-04:00

Aki berg made me not email my files to myself on a library laptop.

Aki berg made me lose 3 hours of work.

Aki berg is a friend of the pilon industry

Aki berg likes my style.

Aki berg.

Aki berg

Aki berg.....

Aki... zzzZZZzzZZzzz

hockey pool - day the first

2005-10-06T21:37:00.000-04:00

so - 7 mins in, sundin is gone for a month, looks like he didn't learn his lesson when he hasa similar injury a coule years back and wore a visor.

STUPID STUPID AKI BERG.... i MEAN PUCK

so ya, guess i'm not feeling all that bad anymore about not drafting him in lieu of Hejduk.

Now my guilt lies with Lindros, as i dropped him to make room for a 4th goalie - hello return of the goalie hoarder!

boort

p.s. Shootout = dumbest thing ever

Hockey pool update

2005-10-05T23:51:00.000-04:00

I dropped Joe Corvo.

Also, McCabe angers me with his tendency to score the first goal of the game and make the previous exchange of zingers with Greg moot.

And why didn't anyone tell me Jussi Markkanen wasn't going to be playing? I had to pick up Kevin Weekes to replace him, how sad is that? Not that I had much intention of playing him, but I spent a draft pick on him, albeit a late one.

In other news, I like the shootout. I like cheering for a team with enough Europeans to field a good shootout roster, because everyone knows that Canadians can't shootout to save their lives. Except for Dany Heatley, that gap-toothed munchkin.

Scotty's Draught

2005-10-02T23:19:00.000-04:00

Mmm, beer.

As for my draft, I wasn't quite as serious as the other guys, so some of my picks make no sense aside from an inside joke standpoint.

Kev began with forwards, Greg began with goalies, so I'll start with my defense. Also, subjegated headings to show where the information begins. 4 weeks ina tech writing course and I'm a layout snob. How tragic.

Defense
Zdeno Chara: Best player in the league. Best player in history. Best player there ever will be. Plus he can trip you from anywhere on the ice and eat you whole. If he and Aki Berg ever look each other in the eye the universe will collapse.

Rob Blake: A solid defenseman, I guess. I think my blurb for Chara destroyed anything I can possibly say about any of my other players. Blake's a good guy though, so I guess I'll keep him around.

Marek Zidlicky: Better than McCabe. So there, Greg. He's better because I say so, and everyone agrees with me. Plus Marek is a fun name to say.

Adrian Aucoin: Hardest shot in the league a few years back, and he's also better than McCabe. I don't know if anyone agrees with me on this one, but I guess I'll stick by it. Aucoin and Aki Berg can look each other in the eye without incident, so he's got that going for him.

Nick Boynton: I didn't realize he hadn't signed a contract yet when I drafted him, but I'm sure he will. He better. It'll be a rainy night in Soho when I drop him off my roster. (author's note - I decided to mix in the names of random Pogues songs in the rest of this post. Find them all and I'll clap sarcastically)

Joe Corvo: Joe Corvo is a terrible player and I hope he gets injured so I can justify dropping him. (Just kidding Joe! You rule!) He's my dealbreaker, and whenever a trade can't be made, Joe Corvo gets added to the mix, assuring things will go my way.

Forwards
Todd Bertuzzi: If I should fall from grace, I'll find Todd. I bet he's fun to hang out with. Plus he'll be back with a vengeance this year, and you can interpret that however you want.

Jason Spezza: A golden god, descended to Earth so that we may gaze upon him and see ourselves for the disgusting beasts we are. Plus he scores goals.

Mike Ribeiro: More like Ri-beer-o, you drink when he scores. Or at least I do, if I have streams of whiskey and there's a Habs game on at the same time. Plus he's goofy-looking, and you can't go wrong with a player who looks goofy.

Brett Hull: Oo, look at me, I'm Brett Hull. I'm so good!

Gary Roberts: A love-hate relationship here. I was a Calgary fan back when Roberts helped them win the cup, so he's awesome. Then he knocked the Sens out of the playoffs last year, so he's a bum. Now he's on a team I'm expecting to do some good stuff, so he's okay. Wow, a serious entry, who'da thunk it?

Brenden Morrow: Not much to say except he scores points. Apparently he's hurt, but I think he'll be back for the start of the season, or a few games in. If not, I'll kick him into Hell's ditch and find another player. Either way works for me.

Michal Handzus: I'm not a fan of Philly in general, but that's okay because I cheer for the team that can actually beat them in the postseason. this guy was golden in the playoffs, and he's pretty decent anyway. Plus he's going for the Mark Recchi sketchy look, which can never be a bad thing.

Jody Shelley: *menacing glare*

Goalies
Roberto Luongo: Phase 1 of the Goaltending Trio from Somewhere, Luongo is looking to be traded and will be showing off for the scouts. He's the entire reason Florida even has a team, and he's the sole reason I'm expecting them to do anything. He's another guy with a name that's fun to say.

Jocelyn Thibault: Phase 2, and the only guy who was worth a damn on Chicago last year. He spent most of the year injured, which makes that label especially powerful. He's going to have a surprisingly good team in front of him (feels good to say that about Pittsburgh again), and I think he's going to shine.

Jussi Markkanen: The fairytale of New York is over, and he's been thrust into the cold unforgiving bosom of Edmonton. I'm not sure if he's going to be getting a starting job or not, so phase 3 of the GTfS is still up in the air.

And there you have it, my drafted players. Not the best draft, but hopefully not the worst. I didn't get a chance to pick up dark horse Radim Vrbata, but I don't regret that.

Aki Berg is pointing and laughing while carefully avoiding catching Chara's eye. He knows the power they share. Tremble before it.

Boort's Draft

2005-10-02T21:32:00.001-04:00

Ok, so my team, hopefully it stays intact this time.. yadda yadda yadda.
I'm quite happy with my team, except for the fact i chose Hejduk over Sundin.. guh... being a leaf fan - i'm gonna be pissed about that one for some time.. and for another reason... see below.

So in order of position here we are...

Goaltending

Evgeny Nabokov
Tends to be a slow starter, but sure lit up once he got back from injury last time round. 9 shutouts and 31 wins definately worth it i think. Sharks went 7-0 in preseason, so it looks to be they're doing something right over there.

David Aebischer
Have always been suspect of him as a # 1 goalie to replace the Hall of Famer Roy. However, his numbers have always impressed and Colorado continues to show their impecable scouting ability. So the loss of a couple veterans should not hurt the club. Any team lead by Sakic cannot do too badly. His numbers in preseason have also been darn impressive.

Robert Esche
A tough pick considering my pure loathsome hate of the Flyers, but how do i pass up a goalie of this stature so late in the draft. Has a great team in front of him, and provided he does not falter and let Nittymaki upstage him, he will put up impressive numbers.

Defence
Sergei Gonchar
This guy needs no intro. He;s a point scoring machine - best offensive D in the league over the past 5 years. His major knock has been having a weak team in front of him, and his sub-par plus minus. Playing with 2 All star lines in Pittsburgh (Recchi, leclair, Crosby, and Lemieux, Palffy, Malone) he is bound to rack up the points, especially power play points.

Bryan Maccabe
I cannot understand how this guy keeps getting overlooked in drafts, and for the Canadian national team. Apparently 3rd best in scoring, plus minus, and top 7 in every offensive category is not worthy enough for consideration. Known at time for his defensive lapses, he has shown to keep it steady over the course of the regular season (+22 in 03). The #1 D on the leafs - with a new crop of veteran (albeit risky players) along with new talented youth (enough to usurp stumpy)

Ed Jovanovski
Went under the radar it seems, was injured for the most part of 03. However, has put up impressive #'s in preseason play for the Canucks. He'll get loads of playing time and will make sure he'll show Gretz and co. he deserves his reserved seat on Canada's Olympic team.

Lubomir Visnovsky
Also injured in '03, however before that, he put up some darn fien numbers for LA. With LA going thru a youth movement, they're hoping Roenick, Demitra, Robataille, Conroy and V. Bure can help they're talented youth, and this guy's a force on the power play. Plus, how do you not take a guy named Lubomir??

Bryan Berard
Before Hossa gouged his eye out (I'm still not bitter), he was drawing comparisons to Paul Coffey. Even still, he is the best point a game D out there, and playing on a revamped Columbus team, that now boasts Foote along with Nash, he could easily improve on the 47 points he got in 58 games in '03.

Jay Bouwmeester
One of Canada's finest young D out there. Also flies in under the radar since he played for the lowly Panthers. With Luongo coming into form, and the acquiring of leaf vets roberts and Nieuwendyk - along with Stumpel, and a blooming Horton, this Olympic team hopeful will be sure to have a strong year.

FORWARDS
Mario Lemieux
When healthy, this guy rivals Forsberg as the best skater on the ice and can put up 5 points on any given nite. With the new rules, hopefully he will be able to stay healthy. Now has some veteran forwards to play with this year, so he'll be sure to light it up when he's in the lineup. Has even come put saying he'll bypass the olympics if the Pens are i na playoff run. in preseason... Lemieux had two goals and nine assists in four exhibition games.

Glen Murray
Boston's leading goal scorer for the last several years, and has Thornton in a new no obsturction league to dish him passes. Will be counted on to score at least 40 goals this year, anything less would be a dissappointment. With Raycroft now signed, and Leetch on D, Boston will put a storng challenge to grab the tought Northeast Divsion

Milan Hejduk
Colorado's leading scorer for the last couple seasons, and with Forsberg gone for good, will be counted on heavily. However, as i just recently learned, he will be out for a month since he just had arthriscopic knee surgery, and being a leafs fan - how the hell did i not take Sundin instead. Regardless, this guy can find the net and i'll just have to wait a bit before he does so.

Jason Allison
Before his bizarre montage of injuries, he was boasted as one of the Leagues best power forwards. A career point a game guy, has bounced back from injury and will be centering the second line with Tucker and Czerkawski - two guys who are being counted on to have productive years. He'll have a strong year if he stays helthy.

Ladislav Nagy
Was Phoenix's scoring machine before a nasty knee injury ended his year. Has already showed the offensive touch in preseason and will be on Phoenix's top line. With Gretzky behind the bench (weird when you hear that) and Cujo and Boucher in net.. this team has potential.. regardless, someone's going to find the net for this team, he and Doane will be it.

Pavel Demitra
Is having a great preseason, and has been a solid point getter in his years with St. Louis. his '03 was cut short due to contract dispute and breif injury, but he'll be sure to find the net for LA.

Paul Kariya
Many people have asked what happened, what happened to the one Gretzky reportedly dubbed the one who could break his records... well somewhere alond the line, an asshole named Suter changed that. That and he'd been stuck on the lowly Ducks his entire years. Last season on colorado, he was miserably hampered by injuries. Still this guy has loads of talent - and in the new no obstruction NHL, he'll have a good yr with nashville.

Wade Belak
I picked this guys because he is listed as both a forward and D, plus "squinty" is the most retarded fighter out there, Domi's protege, and he'll be the one scrapping it out for the leafs

All in all, if my team stays helthy, I salivate over the thought of what they can do.. my D especially. The forwards are all all stars, however are risky. In goal, I have 3 top notch goalies, 2 playing for teams rated as the team to beat in their Conference... so it should work out nicely.

Boort

Draft Reactions

2005-10-02T19:41:00.000-04:00

Gentlemen,

Each post either a listing of your draft picks and some commentary or a link to such here for comparison.

And Gerg, how the hell did Aki get one win out of that?!?!?!? LUDICROUS!!!!

My listing: http://svenicus.blogsport.com

Edit by Scotty: Hope you don't mind, but I made your link into a link. I was going to ask you, but you weren't online.

Aki Berg Vs. pylon

2005-10-02T15:36:00.000-04:00

In a unscientific manner, 12 categories will breakdown who has more value...

AKI VS. PYLON

* may score goals ....................... won't score goals

* will singlehandedly ...................will not cost your team a game

lose games.

* will eat your hockey jersey ......will store your hockey jersey

* will break your speakers .......... can be used as speakers

* useless in practice......................useful in practice

* at $ 1 Million = ripoff ............... comes cheap, not against cap

* needs accomodations................ happy with just being in a box

* can block shots, may................. can block shots, won't injure

injure

* will infect other players.............won't infect players with bad play

with bad play

* an obstacle to skate around.......an obstacle to skate around

* upon dying, will take up ...........will melt upon destruction

even if cremated, ashes will be

somewhere

* will take penalties ....................won't take penalties

* can't throw on the ..............can throw on ice to express disgust at refs

ice to express disgust at refs

Total = Aki 1 win, 10losses, 1 tie....... Pylon 10 Wins, 1 loss, 1 tie

***There you have it... a pylon has more value than aki berg = Q.E.D. ***

oh really...

2005-09-26T01:08:00.000-04:00

if that's so, then what's this? huh? HUH????

Who are we kidding?

2005-09-19T23:46:00.000-04:00

This is a sham. It's falling apart at the seams, and I can't keep the pretense up anymore.

There's no such thing as the internet.

Sorry to be the one to tell you.

Aki Berg Ate my Leaf's Jersey

2005-09-13T17:37:00.000-04:00

I kid you not,

having moved all my remains from Kingston to home, it was discovered upon washing it that it had been chewed up with tiny little holes on the upper sleave. Mind you, it could have been mice, but we all know what REALLY is the cause.
Aki Berg not only is a secret covert spy from finland who has infiltrated Canada's biggest market team, he is out to destroy all leaf paraphenalia that does not bear his name. So, since the jersey in question was a Curtis Joseph jersey - it was chewed, and apparently, having been knocked around so much - his girly gums could not withstand the shear of cotton and he bled all over it too.

I hate you Aki Berg, i hate you so much.

Shot blocked, tipped by Aki Berg into his own net!

2005-09-12T21:58:00.000-04:00

Yeah, word verification is in effect on the turbofart. Spam is bad enough on its own, but once it combines with whatever's funking up this place it gets pretty nasty.

Also, this title is a prediction of at least one game for this upcoming hockey season. We all know it'll happen.

Afterwards Aki will chew a block of concrete into a life-size figure of himself.

Aki Berg stole my AC

2005-09-12T21:55:00.000-04:00

Oh wait, I never had it!

PS. Sixth year blows.

Aki Berg has raided the local supermarkets

2005-09-11T12:15:00.000-04:00

Why is it that the supermarkets no longer carry 4% cottage cheese (or at least the ones i've gone to?) I need look no further than Aki Berg.
I could have speculated that it is becasue of the ineptitude of the common folk, who in the past, consciously made the decision to buy the wholesome fatty prducts, and of recent note have now turned to sue these companies for making them fat. What i don't understand, is, these people buy these products, and still sue, wtf.
Now what we see, is Aki Berg infiltrating the market with half fat creamy soup products, 2% and skimmed cottage cheese and milk products. Call me stingy, but these do NOT have the taste of the wholesome products.
How appropriate, that a player which is half the talent, is raiding the markets with half fat, and less fat produts.
*** Screw You Aki Berg! ***

It's work you do at home

2005-09-10T14:15:00.000-04:00

I have a homework assignment due on Monday. I haven't had homework in a year. I have no idea what to do with it.

After Aki and the bull destroyed my house (Aki won with a stunning roundhouse left that broke a horn off) I haven't been able to concentrate on much of anything, so analyzing a webpage to see how it conforms to technical writing characteristics is a bit of a struggle.

Now for an experiment: The blog post FROM THE FUTURE

I'm going to set the time of this post to an hour or two ahead to see if that fools the spammers. I figure they're using a script to insert comments, so if the time is wrong, it might not properly. If spam appears, I'll know the experiment is a failure and the future is a barren wasteland where rival gangs fight each other for gasoline so they can drive around looking for more gasoline.

Spamalot

2005-09-07T19:43:00.000-04:00

Nobody, and I mean nobody, spams the turbofarts. Well, Kev does, but that's a different case.

The only spam comments I will tolerate will be ones advertising a spam blocker, just for the irony.

In other news, Aki Berg just ate a can of spam and will fight a bull bare knuckle in my living room tonight. I'd invite you over, but the bull is shy.

Milkshake

2005-09-02T21:56:00.000-04:00

I made a milkshake just a little while ago. I was lazy, so it consisted of a banana and some chocolate milk.

Too much banana taste, and my brother yelled at me for "wasting" the chocolate milk. We have no other convenient source of chocolate in the house, and if I had used regular milk (which we have less of), he would have been more angry. I can't catch a break.

I wasted the chocolate milk by drinking it. That's its whole purpose!

what a weekend, and, teiam??

2005-08-30T21:28:00.000-04:00

so, my last weekend (or in this case, 18hrs) in rainy shitty kingston for some time. got the cargo van rental and left here around 940am.... got into ktown around 12 noon.
So, a boortonian suggested we go to the range and hit some balls into the water. Kinda neat, excpet for the 30km/h cross wind, but fun nonetheless. I seemed to have improved my swing from pathetic to ugly... which is a drastic improvement.
On that note... the sound a golf ball makes when struck (properly) with a happy gilmore swing is just plain eerie.
Then off to the Cat centre for lunch... mmm A&W, that good ol' juicy jothy frothy goodness!!
Next it was time to load up all of my stuff from my apt. However, to my luck, the only other person in my abode of 13 people (from 3 units) just so happened to be moving in, and took my parking spot in front of the place. So i had to park elsewhere and further away. Even before I could enter the place, the father of the girl moving in had asked for a hand in moving in. I'm not being stereotypical, but females for the most part are usuless when it comes to the moving aspect of moving.
So i help bring it up the three filghts of stairs, a desk, and go figure it doesn't fit through the door. So, off comes the door... or at least.. so I tried. I see that the screws holding it in place are of the infamous, and ever useless (like a female mover) Robertson variety. Not only is it Robertson, it's the size of Robertson you nevr have the correct size bit for on your 10 bit screwdriver set. Worse off, it's clear this door has been taken off numerous times, and the screws were so darn stripped, and wood so chewed up, made for a real headache. A question i'm sure you're asking to this point.. why am i still here, why don't i just hightail it? good question, but i figured i may as well try to exploit some labour on the flip side. Anyhow.. i rummage through my flat and find a bit that actually fits. So, as i'm taking the screw out... i figure it should be a a few secs befroe the sucker comes off, only, this screw is 4 1/2 inches long!! Honestly- who puts a 4.5 inch screw to hold the door in??? anyhow the door came off and one more chair to help them with, and i was on my way.
So , now on to MY stuff. Ya, in typical fashion, my stuff gets moved from what was my room, to the shittiest room in the place, but i guess i shouldn't complain all too much , as i knew in advance i'd prolly not be living there, but still, what a jerk who did that!
So i start loading all my stuff, none much to report about the loading, expcet for the squirrel who found its way inside the cargo van... of which i locked in there for 15 mins just for fun, and scared it from one end to the other end of the van... in fact - i'm pretty sure this is the same squirrel who managed to get its head stuck in a peanut butter container and rain into a tree, finally getting free of it, and having penaut butter all over it's head. Also of note... i noticed the scent of smoked meat coming from the van... i knew it came from one of my old tins.. so i opened it, and there was just a foul foul stench, and this bacteria colony of which i had never seen the likes of before in my life.
S0, with the loading about 95%, it was time for dinner. Off to the nog, then merchant as the fort henry folk were partying it up, and finally off to uh,, stages? So a total of 3 drinks the entire nite - yeah, when you have to leave at 430AM you cant drink yourself to oblivion. So i took it easy at stages, (trying to dry off as a mofo of a rainstorm managed to brew out of nowhere) by 1230, i had left to take a buddy's car home 0 of which it was clear he wasn't going to drive home that nite. The only catch though, this car is standard, I don't know how to drive standard. Miraculously, the car got to its destination, yup - taught myself how to drive standard, go figure.
So went back to the club to find said buddy, who after 13 drinks said he still hadn't broken the seal, or felt drunk.. umm ok...
So 230 am get there, and he's locked out... so i climb to the roof in the pouring rain to wake up the people on the second floor - good times.
take a 1 hr powernap.. then it was back to finsh loaading and head home. by 5am all my stuff is in the van, and i'm ready - expcept - i cna't find the damn car keys. All day that blaseted key chain with the retardedly oversized company logo plastic thingamabob was too big for my pockets, and it finally goes missing. After a half hr of searching (in total darkness) and amdist one of the greatest onslaughts of tourette's syndrome ever.. i finally hear a thing hit the floor of the van that sounded liek that stupid stupid stupid keyhcain (i'm not bitter).. and i then hightailed the hell outta kingston.
So, 540 i finally leave - and i've got to be back home and have the van returned by 853. (it's a 2hr 45 min drive going 100km/h) I get home in 2 hrs flat, despite some pouring rain a half hr in, and thick (not meaty) fog about 45 mins from home. Mind you all this time i'm tired as hell, and thankfully some good music was playing that morning - or i'd of gone striaght into a ditch, prolly dead.
i get home, unload, return van, go to church, then nap 3 hrs... then off for a family dinner in toronto (45 mins away) and am there till 9pm... then finally home.
so yeah, pretty uneventful weekend.

p.s. I know it was aki berg who hid my keys... i hate you so much!

What a mess

2005-08-26T14:47:00.000-04:00

When did my apartment get so dirty? I swear, it's like a herd of filthy elephants charged through here and didn't trample anything, just got dust and grime on stuff.

Example: the parts of my bathroom floor that I don't normally walk on have a layer of dust on them. Where the hell did that come from? I didn't notice it earlier, so maybe it's just because I'm in a cleaning mood.

I must have my filth detector cranked up to High.

Oh really...

2005-08-24T23:35:00.000-04:00

Just to prove you wrong.

That and I wish to announce the return of TurboFoamyFarts.

Yes, they're that bad. Guh.

I'm so alone

2005-08-22T02:35:00.000-04:00

There's now an I in team. It is me, as I'm the only one who seems to be posting in this thing.

From now on, "team" is spelled "teiam", and pronounced the same way it's always been. Just to spite the old saying.

Next up, I'm going to turn a man into an island. Stay tuned.

Aki Berg broke my speakers

2005-08-18T00:08:00.000-04:00

After my previous post about him, Aki Berg came to my house to congratulate me on nailing his characterization so perfectly. While here he headbutted my computer and now my speakers are messed up.

If I run the speaker test, only the front speakers play their test sounds, but the rear ones work when I play stuff. If I switch the front and rear plugs, then all 4 sounds play, but the front plays from the rear.

Aki Berg obviously listens to backwards sounds, and he's given me the gift of reverse hearing.

Also, he can drink a bucket of gasoline and piss fire, but that's beside the point.

Helpful hint

2005-08-15T16:17:00.000-04:00

Mustard does not flow well through a funnel.

If you have to transfer it from one container to another, a spoon is much faster and easier.

General Rules...

2005-08-15T15:04:00.000-04:00

If we're posting anything here that's NSFW, how do you want to do it?

I gotta have more cowbell

2005-08-14T23:24:00.000-04:00

The problem with America these days is that there just isn't enough cowbell. It could be because of the outbreak (2 cases) of mad cow disease, or it may not, one can only speculate. Enter Cristopher Walken. He will bring more cowbell, gold records and more. He will do this all as President of the United States, and will do so in 2008. He will run with the campaign slogan, "These boots were made for Walken".

I must say, I want more cowbell, and Walken's the provider... next to Aki Berg of course...

a thought...

2005-08-14T23:02:00.000-04:00

You know, I really do see this becoming a case of a thousand unBELIEVABLY retarded monkeys at a thousand equally retarded typewriters.

Stoopid monkeys.

or equally:

Aki Berg

2005-08-14T22:57:00.000-04:00

Aki Berg shall lead us to salvation. He is the way, the truth, and the light of the world, all rolled into one.

Aki Berg will break all the NHL records this season. All of them. Even for goalies. Because he's Aki Berg.

Aki Berg once jumped out of an airplane and landed on his face. The ground apologized for getting in the way.

greetings

2005-08-14T21:05:00.000-04:00

greetings all boortlings;

boort is nothing and everything, comparable to Nirvana in Hiduism, but I digress. yes turbofart has come up in scrabble, as has powermalts, you do not mess with powermalts. So this is a team blog, and i still don't exactly know how it will work, but, as founder of the boort craze all I can do for now is bid you a hello.

Turbofart, you ask?

2005-08-14T19:10:00.000-04:00

honestly, I only brought it up in conversation. For the real origin of the word, you must speak with Scotty and Greg, for it came up in a game of scrabble between the two..

I simply referred to an episode of mine involving an ATM and some punks on Princess. Poor bastards never knew what hit 'em.

Welcome

2005-08-14T16:23:00.000-04:00

This is intended to be a team blog between myself and two friends, Kevin and Greg. I'm just waiting for them to accept the invitations, and they're both slacking off on that front.

The name is an in-joke, and Kevin can explain it when he joins the team. It just makes sense for him to do it, seeing how he originated the term that I used for this blog's address.

I'm fairly certain that this will at least turn out to be at least somewhat interesting, so please stay tuned.