Microsoft Word is a hideous bitch-goddess

So, I'm working in Word, making up a project plan template for my document planning class. My original plan was to just use the same file as my information plan template and change the words, keeping the same structure and everything.

As I'm editing stuff, I realize that my margins are a bit too small (which is one of the comments I got on my information plan as well, my margins needed to be bigger to allow for printing). I decide I may as well just change them a bit and keep working, temporarily forgetting that Word is the worst word processor ever written. All the margins change, except for the header and footer, which now both extend well out over the margin.

I fiddled with their margins for a while, and each change would either completely destroy the text alignment in the header (why does shifting a margin a half centimeter make the text centre itself?) or affect the entire document. In frustration, I decide to make a new document, set up the margins first, and then copy stuff over.

Brilliant. I have a new document with decent margins for printing, and my cover and inside cover copy in perfectly, except the inside cover has a page number on it. I hadn't set up page numbers yet. I should have taken that as an omen and run away when I had the chance.

Like a fool, I pressed on. I set up new pages, added odd and even headers so I could always put the relevant information on the outside of the page, and then made the biggest mistake of my life. I added page numbers.

I'm no expert (yet), but I'm pretty sure that when I set up a page number system, each page should have a different number. Also, I'm pretty sure that when a new page gets added, the page number on it should be 1 greater than the page before it. In addition, I'm pretty sure that if I tell the footer to not be the same as the one before, it shouldn't be the same as the one before it.

Word thinks differently.

My document's page numbering started on the 3rd page, which recived the number 1. the second page worked out properly, getting the number 2, but so did the inside cover, which never had a page number put on it. I fixed that, and then added page 3, which got the number 1.

What?

I changed it to 3, and page 1 became 3. I changed that back to 1, and page 3 became 1. Somewhere in the the inside cover also became page 1, but I ignored it because page 2 stayed as page 2. I tried deleting the page numbers and adding them again, but that made page 3 page 5 and wouldn't let me remove the page numbers from the covers.

In desperation I removed odd and even headers, and every page became page 1.

That's where I sit now, a lonely, broken man, staring at a document where every page is the first page.

Triporn

For one of my classes I have to write a technical description of a device. I chose my camera's tripod, for little reason other than the hilarity of taking pictures of a tripod.

During the photo shoot I wound up with some pictures that were too risque for the final report, but I'm making them available here. Say hello to Digitial Concepts, our hottest new Triporn model

Warning, this post contains suggestive and dirty-but-not-too-dirty pictures of tripods. If this material offends you or you are not the legal age to view suggestive tripod pictures, please stop reading.

First off we have a lovely shot of Digital Concepts relaxing on the desk. Looks like it's happy to see us.

Ooh la la.

Next we brought in our old Triporn assistant Dixon for a rather spicy scene. We took this one out of the studio for better lighting, and I think both our models really enjoyed the experience!

We had to take a break after this picture so everyone could calm down.

I'd like to thank Digital Concepts once again for cooperating with us and being so patient with all our adjustments and fussing, and Dixon for being there when we needed it.

If you liked these pictures, feel free to share them. Triporn would like to thank ImageShack for hosting these photos, and hopefully they won't overload the servers.

Fun with Personalized Jerseys

Just for fun... and greg, don't delete this post :)











And Last, but certainly not least...

I hate Aki Berg

Aki berg made me not email my files to myself on a library laptop.

Aki berg made me lose 3 hours of work.

Aki berg is a friend of the pilon industry

Aki berg likes my style.

Aki berg.

Aki berg

Aki berg.....

Aki... zzzZZZzzZZzzz

Hockey pool update

I dropped Joe Corvo.

Also, McCabe angers me with his tendency to score the first goal of the game and make the previous exchange of zingers with Greg moot.

And why didn't anyone tell me Jussi Markkanen wasn't going to be playing? I had to pick up Kevin Weekes to replace him, how sad is that? Not that I had much intention of playing him, but I spent a draft pick on him, albeit a late one.

In other news, I like the shootout. I like cheering for a team with enough Europeans to field a good shootout roster, because everyone knows that Canadians can't shootout to save their lives. Except for Dany Heatley, that gap-toothed munchkin.

Scotty's Draught

Mmm, beer.

As for my draft, I wasn't quite as serious as the other guys, so some of my picks make no sense aside from an inside joke standpoint.

Kev began with forwards, Greg began with goalies, so I'll start with my defense. Also, subjegated headings to show where the information begins. 4 weeks ina tech writing course and I'm a layout snob. How tragic.

Defense
Zdeno Chara: Best player in the league. Best player in history. Best player there ever will be. Plus he can trip you from anywhere on the ice and eat you whole. If he and Aki Berg ever look each other in the eye the universe will collapse.

Rob Blake: A solid defenseman, I guess. I think my blurb for Chara destroyed anything I can possibly say about any of my other players. Blake's a good guy though, so I guess I'll keep him around.

Marek Zidlicky: Better than McCabe. So there, Greg. He's better because I say so, and everyone agrees with me. Plus Marek is a fun name to say.

Adrian Aucoin: Hardest shot in the league a few years back, and he's also better than McCabe. I don't know if anyone agrees with me on this one, but I guess I'll stick by it. Aucoin and Aki Berg can look each other in the eye without incident, so he's got that going for him.

Nick Boynton: I didn't realize he hadn't signed a contract yet when I drafted him, but I'm sure he will. He better. It'll be a rainy night in Soho when I drop him off my roster. (author's note - I decided to mix in the names of random Pogues songs in the rest of this post. Find them all and I'll clap sarcastically)

Joe Corvo: Joe Corvo is a terrible player and I hope he gets injured so I can justify dropping him. (Just kidding Joe! You rule!) He's my dealbreaker, and whenever a trade can't be made, Joe Corvo gets added to the mix, assuring things will go my way.

Forwards
Todd Bertuzzi: If I should fall from grace, I'll find Todd. I bet he's fun to hang out with. Plus he'll be back with a vengeance this year, and you can interpret that however you want.

Jason Spezza: A golden god, descended to Earth so that we may gaze upon him and see ourselves for the disgusting beasts we are. Plus he scores goals.

Mike Ribeiro: More like Ri-beer-o, you drink when he scores. Or at least I do, if I have streams of whiskey and there's a Habs game on at the same time. Plus he's goofy-looking, and you can't go wrong with a player who looks goofy.

Brett Hull: Oo, look at me, I'm Brett Hull. I'm so good!

Gary Roberts: A love-hate relationship here. I was a Calgary fan back when Roberts helped them win the cup, so he's awesome. Then he knocked the Sens out of the playoffs last year, so he's a bum. Now he's on a team I'm expecting to do some good stuff, so he's okay. Wow, a serious entry, who'da thunk it?

Brenden Morrow: Not much to say except he scores points. Apparently he's hurt, but I think he'll be back for the start of the season, or a few games in. If not, I'll kick him into Hell's ditch and find another player. Either way works for me.

Michal Handzus: I'm not a fan of Philly in general, but that's okay because I cheer for the team that can actually beat them in the postseason. this guy was golden in the playoffs, and he's pretty decent anyway. Plus he's going for the Mark Recchi sketchy look, which can never be a bad thing.

Jody Shelley: *menacing glare*

Goalies
Roberto Luongo: Phase 1 of the Goaltending Trio from Somewhere, Luongo is looking to be traded and will be showing off for the scouts. He's the entire reason Florida even has a team, and he's the sole reason I'm expecting them to do anything. He's another guy with a name that's fun to say.

Jocelyn Thibault: Phase 2, and the only guy who was worth a damn on Chicago last year. He spent most of the year injured, which makes that label especially powerful. He's going to have a surprisingly good team in front of him (feels good to say that about Pittsburgh again), and I think he's going to shine.

Jussi Markkanen: The fairytale of New York is over, and he's been thrust into the cold unforgiving bosom of Edmonton. I'm not sure if he's going to be getting a starting job or not, so phase 3 of the GTfS is still up in the air.

And there you have it, my drafted players. Not the best draft, but hopefully not the worst. I didn't get a chance to pick up dark horse Radim Vrbata, but I don't regret that.

Aki Berg is pointing and laughing while carefully avoiding catching Chara's eye. He knows the power they share. Tremble before it.

Draft Reactions

Gentlemen,

Each post either a listing of your draft picks and some commentary or a link to such here for comparison.

And Gerg, how the hell did Aki get one win out of that?!?!?!? LUDICROUS!!!!

My listing: http://svenicus.blogsport.com

Edit by Scotty: Hope you don't mind, but I made your link into a link. I was going to ask you, but you weren't online.